I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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