The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
