I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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