I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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