I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
