I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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