M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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