He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
