If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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