i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
