Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
