we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
