20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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