My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
