Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you

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  (407): If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you http://tfl.nu/r9im
  Replies (21) Good night (1089) Bad night (4482)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes

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  (614): you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes http://tfl.nu/g514
  Replies (11) Good night (4725) Bad night (803)
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  (845): View more from New York

  People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk

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  (845): People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk http://tfl.nu/qmhf
  Replies (4) Good night (5742) Bad night (571)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated

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  (540): we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated http://tfl.nu/hyb4
  Replies (17) Good night (5371) Bad night (1716)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

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  (281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh
  Replies (28) Good night (4326) Bad night (1008)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

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  (630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7
  Replies (14) Good night (7109) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.

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  (317): I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock. http://tfl.nu/fdm1
  Replies (9) Good night (3230) Bad night (940)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.

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  (281): Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'. http://tfl.nu/zfmg
  Replies (15) Good night (1376) Bad night (628)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

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  (717): How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling? http://tfl.nu/pzfw
  Replies (7) Good night (1678) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.

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  (360): A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy. http://tfl.nu/2450
  Replies (4) Good night (1465) Bad night (448)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss

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  (734): But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss http://tfl.nu/ju7w
  Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (299)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome

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  (913): Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/rr1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1304) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"

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  (410): For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?" http://tfl.nu/u1ni
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.

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  (304): just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America. http://tfl.nu/tnm4
  Replies (3) Good night (688) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza

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  (323): All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza http://tfl.nu/ypli
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (180)

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