i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back