Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.