I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.