4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
