Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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