oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
