i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
