What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
