tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
