I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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