O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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