It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
