I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
