so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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