I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
