last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
