you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
