I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
