i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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