when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize