I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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