sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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