I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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