at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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