If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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