Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't notice because vodka
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
