if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
