one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
