can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
