Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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