You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
