I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
