Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
