You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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