i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
