I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize