On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry about my life...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
