she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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