Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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