I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
