I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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