You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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