There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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