as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize