I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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