Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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