His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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