So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
