I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
