I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
