yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
