my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
