i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD