ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

  Fav 8 882 2160

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

  Fav 23 5743 888

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.

  Fav 20 1466 4444

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

  Fav 17 4211 2204

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral

  Fav 3 967 2590

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

  Fav 9 2856 1065

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth

  Fav 8 3335 970

  share tweet
  

• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag

  Fav 16 2029 909

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

  Fav 16 1573 1100

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.

  Fav 14 2219 795

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  You're a good friend.

  Fav 2 1466 676

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER

  Fav 1 916 497

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police

  Fav 5 1585 588

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!

  Fav 3 666 439

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.

  Fav 3 557 237

  share tweet
  

Randomize