i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house