Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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