Texts From Last Night

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  (260): View more from Indiana

  We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.

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  (260): We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs. http://tfl.nu/wdfj
  Replies (9) Good night (1056) Bad night (3542)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

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  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (26660) Bad night (2103)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds

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  (206): puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/vlbj
  Replies (36) Good night (921) Bad night (4411)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems

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  (419): Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems http://tfl.nu/onz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1369) Bad night (2950)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

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  (403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8
  Replies (9) Good night (6059) Bad night (1225)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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  (302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds
  Replies (12) Good night (5166) Bad night (1059)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.

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  (937): Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it. http://tfl.nu/m5np
  Replies (9) Good night (3618) Bad night (1073)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.

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  (505): Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening. http://tfl.nu/2dkx
  Replies (24) Good night (3604) Bad night (911)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.

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  (507): My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu. http://tfl.nu/j0iq
  Replies (8) Good night (810) Bad night (1262)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.

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  (512): I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out. http://tfl.nu/qokz
  Replies (4) Good night (897) Bad night (649)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

  (941): View more from Florida

  I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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  (941): So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar. (941): I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/b83h
  Replies (4) Good night (632) Bad night (731)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..

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  (704): All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar.. http://tfl.nu/zfs2
  Replies (5) Good night (836) Bad night (355)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.

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  (727): A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you. (1-727): His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me. http://tfl.nu/a0hl
  Replies (3) Good night (1419) Bad night (311)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.

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  (480): Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him. http://tfl.nu/55pw
  Replies (0) Good night (1591) Bad night (321)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day

  (779): View more from Illinois

  Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Yes.

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  (779): I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day (779): Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate? (815): Yes. http://tfl.nu/1qpc
  Replies (1) Good night (530) Bad night (274)

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