She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.