Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

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  (517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus http://tfl.nu/qcmy
  Replies (23) Good night (2959) Bad night (639)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (38) Good night (1233) Bad night (4090)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.

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  (901): can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you. http://tfl.nu/uemu
  Replies (10) Good night (3138) Bad night (740)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck

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  (410): there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck http://tfl.nu/47wj
  Replies (18) Good night (3377) Bad night (867)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."

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  (480): Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions." http://tfl.nu/c9eh
  Replies (18) Good night (5134) Bad night (976)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (892) Bad night (3060)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.

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  (570): Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city. http://tfl.nu/2blw
  Replies (10) Good night (3784) Bad night (1203)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

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  (413): the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings. http://tfl.nu/xbcs
  Replies (11) Good night (9003) Bad night (982)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.

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  (423): You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti. http://tfl.nu/u3mr
  Replies (2) Good night (1032) Bad night (1916)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.

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  (630): He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses. http://tfl.nu/2f5f
  Replies (15) Good night (1727) Bad night (4661)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.

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  (201): Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium. http://tfl.nu/lfpo
  Replies (11) Good night (4640) Bad night (725)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.

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  (678): Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool. http://tfl.nu/6mtz
  Replies (10) Good night (1519) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.

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  (416): The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won. http://tfl.nu/zzwg
  Replies (4) Good night (640) Bad night (277)
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  (310): View more from California

  Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.

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  (310): Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch. http://tfl.nu/am85
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (307)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.

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  (303): I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b. http://tfl.nu/ab5o
  Replies (9) Good night (416) Bad night (802)

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