So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help