before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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