I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
