she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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